A tale from the frozen city

Winter doesn't exist in Victoria and there are a number of signs that point toward winter's non-existence. (I do mean non-existence as opposed to, ummm, absence. If something is absent then at some point, either in the past or future, it will be present. Winter has no chance of that.) So, here's my list:

- My coaching season is over because my team lost in the first round of the playoffs. Playoffs that started at the beginning of February.
- Lacross has started; the first try-outs were last week. Lacross is a "summer" sport in Victoria.
- The rose bushes are growing little green leaves.
- Zero degrees C is cold for the locals. I imagine by next year Veronica and I will consider zero cold.

For all those non-believers, here's the ultimate proof. About three weeks ago, it snowed less than a centimeter. Now, I realize that I'm frequently a liar, a cheat and fundamentally evil, but I promise that it snowed less than a centimeter. (Upon reflection it was more like hail. The meteorological conditions are quite different.) On this fine day, Veronica and I were hiking in Thetis park. We were catching the hail with our gloves, while petting prancing unicorns. (I must admit the unicorns weren't prancing.)

Since only Veronica could see the unicorns, it was exceptionally difficult to ride them home. I mean, they didn't exist; or not enough for the commute between the park and our castle. Having driven the car along the speedy autobahn to the park, it was more than acceptable to drive our pink Porche (don't let girls choose car colours) back along the same route. Never in our wildest dreams (note: we have fairly wild dreams considering Veronica can see unicorns that don't exist, during the day and while awake) could we imagine the chaos and fear waiting for us on the highway. Everything was motionless. The cars and trucks stood still. The rabbits grazing along the side of the highway watched the chaos, while drinking a beer. People stopped under the overpass to hide from the snow and treacherous roads. We took pictures of this Victoria zoo - arrr, come see the primate enclosure laddie.

The driving became worse and the story becomes better. Between the highway and our castle is a stretch of road that, God forbid, isn't perfectly flat. If you're from Victoria and you start your car from a stationary position, while on a hill, then you must, I believe by law, press on the gas peddle in such a manner to make your wheels spin. I can only conclude that this is a Victoria bylaw because not only will every driver of every car do this once, but the drivers will repeat the same behaviour. If "peddle-to-the-metal" didn't work the first ten times, now why, I say why (think Samity Sam), would it work the 11th. Of course, silly me! By the sixth time the weather should have changed - the snow should have melted, the clouds should have parted, and a thousand angels should be singing in the beautiful blue sky.

I think I'll buy a video camera for next winter.

Neil is a Jackass

Hello Everyone,

I must say that not everything Neil says is true...
I have gotten a tattoo, but we have not eloped. Hence, why he is Evil Neil.

I promise to let you all know when we get engaged. :)

But do remember that Evil Neil is a jackass!! :)