This, that and other things

I guess I'll bore you with two things today - some local news and some social etiquette.

Veronica started "guiding" again. She's a girl guide leader for the older ones but that's about all I know. In other news, I made pasta and bread for the first time in my life, and we're painting our apartment (items not related).

And now for the life lesson...
I'm sure that there many books that explain, in painstaking detail, the rights and wrongs of our social fabric. Books that explain simple things such as "Don't wear underwear on top of your shorts.", or "Socks are not meant for cleaning sinks.". But I doubt, seriously doubt, that a book exists about the conversational intricacies of socializing with a grad student. Grad students are, a poor, minority genus of the human species. On the time line, they fall just before Neanderthals. They are today's slaves; a little above the teenager in the social hierarchy. Their situation is no reason for improper social etiquette while you interact, or feed, them (usually one in the same). My guess is that people "just don't know" - they need to be educated. So...

Rule #1: Do not ask a grad student what they are researching.
Why? Well... The main reason is that they don't know. The grad student may not even know after they've published a paper at an academic conference. Typically, the only aspect that is certain in grad student's life is that they're procrastinating (this post). They are avoiding research for reasons of sanity.

But let us suppose that the grad student just happens to know what they're trying to do. In this rare situation, they must reduce their topic to a one minute academic belch that, if they have any common sense, you're going to understand. This results in one of two consequences:
A) The topic is glorified to such an extent that you feel the grad student posses the question and answer to the universe; you immediately begin to bury batteries and dump toxic chemicals directly into the sewers, because who gives a shit a this point.
B) The topic is reduced to such an extent that you feel like you've slept one thousand years in one minute; and you're thinking to yourself, "Shoot this grad student and put everyone out of their misery". You're probably right, but those thoughts are mean, so don't think them. (Those are the types of thoughts you can think about your in-laws, but not about grad students.)

So what do you do when you've painted yourself into an awkward conversational corner? Proper etiquette is to never ask what the grad student is researching, but to ask how much money they need and whether they take checks or credit card. You can also, although this is not regarded as highly, feed them.